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React, respond, what does it matter…right? They are both references to your actions in a given situation so they HAVE to be similar.
Ok well let’s look at this example which is a scenario that I actually witnessed while driving on the jam-packed highways surrounding New York City.
The highway is packed, the passing lanes are moving quickly but everywhere people are abruptly stopping to allow for the massive influx of traffic joining the chaos via the on-ramps. It is dusk and the sun is shining directly into the eyes of the irritated drivers. Suddenly, I see a huge silver truck go roaring past me on the right.
Not being a native of the area I am taking my good old time trying my best not to get mixed up in an accident in this situation. At my leisurely pace, I have the chance to witness this scenario which just makes me shake my head in amazement.
Apparently the man in the silver truck had almost been cut off by another car and the two vehicles were awkwardly wedged almost in the middle of the passing lane. Well, neither man was about to back down from the other and the action they had chosen to take was to put up their dukes (picture the Notre Dame mascot of the Fighting Leprechaun X 2).
Based on your past associations with the words react and respond, which of the two do you think these men were personifying?
If you chose react…you are correct.
In reality, there is a HUGE difference between the actions associated with reacting and responding.
Perhaps, you have heard a doctor say, “Everything is going well they are responding to the medication.” This is a much better prognosis than, “Things aren’t looking so good they have had a reaction to the medication.”
Medicine aside, you can literally change the outcome of a situation by whether you decide to react or respond. What if the man in the big silver truck had continued on his way, recognizing that the high volume of traffic probably caused the other man to accidentally cut him off, sparing other drivers of further traffic delays? Nope, he thought it was Halloween and wanted to be the Notre Dame Fighting Leprechaun.
A reaction is usually instant, instinctive, and based on past experiences. Reactions often fail to take into consideration the larger picture. For instance, you may assume someone’s intentions before getting the whole story.
A response requires higher level thinking and is usually composed of actions that will accomplish a specific goal. To respond is to be open-minded and consider every aspect of the situation before rushing into an action.
You may have heard of the benefits of ‘living in the moment’, especially if you have read any of Eckhart Tolle’s work. Responding to a situation rather than reacting to it is one of the many things you can do to truly live in the moment. Don’t judge your current situation according to past situations, simply take it for what it is, and come up with a calm, thought-out action.
Consistent responses rather than reactions allow you to begin shaping the outcome of your life by taking 100% responsibility. Look at the word responsibility… it is your response-ability. You have the ability to respond to every situation in your life in a manner that will lead you to your desired outcome. Unfortunately, many people, like our friend in the big, silver truck will never realize this.
Check out my video about taking 100% Responsibility.
Ok, so how do we form habits to begin responding rather than reacting? During my preparations for writing this post, I came across a simple, fantastic tool to help you do just that. In his article, Paul Coutinho, SJ speaks of the PQR formula which stands for Pause, Question, Respond. Pause to evaluate the situation you are in; question how the situation relates to the meaning and purpose of your life and how you choose to respond given the infinite possibilities available to you; and then respond. By taking your time, you come up with a freely chosen response rather than an instant reaction.
I hope that you now understand the difference between reacting and responding. This can be such powerful information to know especially when situations arise with family members, spouses, co-workers and bosses. At one time or another I’m sure all of us have reacted to a situation and then regretted our actions later. Being conscious of your ABILITY to RESPOND rather than react will take you to a whole new level the next time you find yourself in a tricky situation.
Please leave a comment below with your thoughts about reaction vs. response. Have you ever caught yourself in a situation where you had a choice of the two? Which did you choose? If you have actively been trying to respond vs. react, how has your life or relationships changed?
I look forward to reading your responses and continuing to provide you with as much VALUE as possible! Remember to utilize the PQR formula!
In Love And Learning,
P.S. Please Retweet this to your followers on Twitter if you enjoyed it!
P.P.S. Save your Notre Dame Fighting Leprechaun stance for Halloween!
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November 15th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
I love this Amanda seriously! It is so true that people always react vs. response to a situation. Other times it is really our “ego” that gets on the way. I have found that whatever situation you find yourself in whether it is positive or negative we have to take FULL 100% responsibility for it. I thank you for this wonderful reminder to response in certain r=situation rather than react. Reacting only causes more stress and perpetuate our lack of understanding of the situation. Keep up your thought provoking posts sweetie! You ROCK!!
Therese Miu´s last blog ..Why Giving is Important? It is in Giving that we truly Learn to L I V E
November 15th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Hey Amanda, awesome stuff! You took me back a few years to extensive sales training we had.
To extend on reacting..
Reaction takes place from our ‘Reptilia’ Brain. It’s the scientific term for the part of our brain that we share with reptiles. It relates to a higher level of instincts and emotions.
When you communicate with anyone in this ‘fight or flight’ state, you are wasting your time as the person simply wants to react by defending and are not open to what you have to say.
This reaction plays from memory as the person is protecting themselves to avoid a past pain they experienced in a similar situation.
The opposite of this state is referred to as ‘relaxation response’, where people are relaxed, creative and more receptive to change and innovation.
To move someone from ‘fight or flight’ to ‘relaxation response’, you need to agree all the way and offer no resistance.
Or as Stephen R Covey says, “Seek first to understand before being understood”.
Once someone is officially in the calm state, communication can continue with impact.
Cool!
Thanks for sharing Amanda!
George Fourie´s last blog ..MLM Blogs: Pop Corn, Movies and Beating MLM Failure With A Stick
November 15th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Absolutely George! Thank you for offering this response! You definitely took it to the more scientific level and I thank you for sharing that! I agree completely and appreciate you adding even more VALUE!
November 15th, 2009 at 10:40 pm
People need to be more present and aware during so that they are better able to handle any challenge that comes their way.
By reacting rather than responding to a situation, a person’s *knee-jerk reaction* usually ends up causing more harm than if they just took a moment to reflect upon what happened before taking proper action.
Thanks again for another great post, Amanda!
Heather Taskovics´s last blog ..So You Want To Be An Entrepreneur! (Part 3: What Is Affiliate Marketing?)
November 16th, 2009 at 1:29 am
Hey Amanda,
Very well thought out post. Most people simply react to stimuli without any conscious thought what so ever. These are the people that lack control over their own feelings and emotions with little regard for the consequences of their actions when caught up in the moment.
Yes, it does happen to all of us, perhaps in part by past conditioning, however, all we really need to do is make a mental shift to become AWARE of the stimulus and then make a CHOICE.
I find myself in this predicament often. Those on the path of personal development are generally more “self-aware” and have a much better chance of catching the reaction and turning it into a more appropriate response.
~Fredric
Fredric´s last blog ..How Social Is YOUR Social Media?
November 16th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Great post Amanda! You always seem to share the wisdom that I need to hear just at the right time. React vs. Respond is a great topic and concept that I have spent time recently studying. I love your idea of Responsibility breaking down into Response – Ability. I looked into the word React and when I break that one down I come across Re – Act. What comes to mind here is that we Re Act out the drama in our life based on the situations that arise in a continuous cycle. I believe that how we respond to a situation is the most import part of the actual situation itself. It will lead us be able to grow and create a new reality and possibilities in our lives when we chose to respond in a positive and life giving way.
Thanks again for the great things you share with us all.
God Bless!
November 16th, 2009 at 11:46 am
Sensational post Amanda
I live in New Jersey. I see stuff like this almost every day, usually a couple of times a day. Since I am a responder (well, most of the time
I receive many dirty looks, honks, and choice expletives for thinking before driving, ie – responding.
Thinking before acting is a rare trait in the world, let alone the Tri-State. I thank God for discovering meditation! Morning and nightly sessions have helped to calm my mind. My life is more like a movie these days. Instead of starring in the flick I feel like I’m watching from the audience. This spaciousness allows to observe, question, and respond, much like the PQR formula described above. Less reacting, more responding.
You’re now in my RSS reader. I look forward to your insight
November 17th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Amanda,
My friend you have done it AGAIN. Your posts are so full of great content. I love the PQR formula you talked about. I just wish everyone would do this in life! We would all get along a lot better. I have seen those people in traffic. They crack me up. Its like an “ego” battle that doesn’t prove anything lol.
Keep on rockin! You really put that into a great perspective!
Ryan K Jones´s last blog ..Plan Ahead NOW!
November 19th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
Awesome job Amanda! Love the post
Keep rockin’ sister!
Katie´s last blog ..5 Steps To Cultivating *AUTHENTIC* Power
November 19th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Hey Katie! Thanks so much for stopping by my blog! Your feedback means the world! Hope your having an *amazing* time in Hawaii!
December 14th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
Excellent explanation of the difference between react and respond. I also like your point about not judging the current situation based on the past.
That said, I do think you need to take the past into consideration. The apple will always fall, so you shouldn’t be surprised when it falls the next time, too!
I think the mistake people make is when they over generalize, like assuming that EVERYONE is a rude driver. Or when they assume that situation, and especially people, CAN’T change (when in fact they certainly can).
But I we always have to choice to hold our reaction and decide on a response!
Jason Kerchner´s last blog ..Understanding The Pipeline: Advertising, Traffic, Leads and Prospects
December 20th, 2009 at 2:59 am
I wanted to add your feed to my sidebar in Vista, but it keeps coming up with errors. Any idea what I am doing wrong?
December 28th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Hi Diedra! Unfortunately, I am not familiar with how to do that. I hope you continue to follow my blog though!